You know what nobody tells you about work-life balance? It’s not actually about balance at all.
I spent years trying to split my time perfectly between work and everything else. I’d feel guilty checking emails on Sunday evening. Then I’d feel guilty leaving work early to catch my kid’s football match. The guilt was constant, like a low-grade headache that never quite went away.
The Problem With “Perfect Balance”
The breakthrough came when I realized I was thinking about the whole thing wrong. Work-life balance isn’t a daily achievement. It’s not even a weekly one. It’s more like a rhythm that ebbs and flows depending on what’s happening in your life.
Some weeks, work needs more of you. A big launch is coming up. You’re in the middle of a crucial project. Your team is counting on you. That’s fine.
Other weeks, life demands your attention. Your mum needs help moving house. Your best friend is getting married. You’re finally taking that holiday you’ve been promising yourself.
The guilt comes from trying to maintain some imaginary perfect split every single day. That’s exhausting and, honestly, impossible.
Think in Seasons, Not Days
Here’s what I’ve learned works better: thinking in seasons instead of days.
Right now, I’m in a busy work season. I’ve got a product launch coming up. I’m spending more hours at my desk than usual. But I know in three weeks, things will calm down. I’ll take a few days off to properly disconnect.
My partner understands this. My kids understand this. Most importantly, I understand this. Which means I’m not beating myself up about it.
Communicate Your Season
The key is being honest with yourself and the people around you. When you’re in a work-heavy season, acknowledge it. Tell your family. Make smaller moments count. Maybe you can’t make the school play. But you can be fully present for breakfast without checking your phone.
And when you’re in a life-heavy season, communicate that at work. Most managers are more understanding than you’d think. They’ve got lives too. They get it.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: you can’t have everything all at once. You just can’t. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.
What you can have is everything over time. That’s the actual deal on offer.
Embrace the Blur
I’ve also stopped trying to completely separate work and life. For some people, strict boundaries work brilliantly. Clock out at 5pm and don’t think about work until 9am the next day. If that’s you, fantastic.
But for many of us, the boundaries are blurrier. Especially if we run our own businesses or work in roles with flexibility.
Flexibility Goes Both Ways
I like being able to pop out for a coffee with a friend on a Tuesday afternoon. That means I’m okay with spending an hour on Saturday morning clearing my inbox.
I love that I can go for a run at 11am when the park is quiet. That means I don’t mind taking a call at 7pm occasionally.
The flexibility goes both ways. Once I stopped feeling guilty about work bleeding into life, I also stopped feeling guilty about life bleeding into work. It’s all just time. And I’m choosing how to spend it.
Figure Out What Actually Matters
Another thing that helped was getting really clear on what actually matters to me. Not what Instagram says should matter. Not what that productivity guru on Twitter claims is essential. What actually matters to me.
Let Go of the “Shoulds”
For example, I realized I don’t actually care about having a spotless house. I thought I should care because that’s what responsible adults do, right? But honestly, I’d rather spend that time reading. Or working on projects I love. Or hanging out with people I enjoy.
So now my house is clean enough. And I’ve let go of the guilt around that.
Create Your Own Boundaries
On the flip side, I do care deeply about being present when I’m with my kids. So I’ve made a rule for myself: when I’m with them, my phone goes in another room. Not on silent. Not face down. In another room.
That’s my boundary, and it matters to me.
You need to figure out your own version of this. What actually matters to you? What are you doing because you think you should rather than because you want to? Where can you give yourself permission to care less?
Watch for Warning Signs
I’ve also learned to spot the warning signs that things are off. For me, it’s when I start feeling resentful.
Resentful that I’m answering emails. Resentful that my partner is asking me to help with something. Resentment is my check engine light. It means something needs adjusting.
Don’t Ignore the Signs
When I feel it creeping in, I ask myself: what needs to change?
Sometimes it’s that I need a break. Sometimes it’s that I’ve been saying yes to too many things. Sometimes it’s that I need to have an honest conversation with someone about expectations.
The point is, I don’t ignore it anymore. Resentment left to fester doesn’t get better. It gets worse. Much worse.
Your Balance Will Evolve
Here’s something else: you’re allowed to change your mind about what balance looks like. What worked for you five years ago might not work now. What works this year might not work next year.
That’s not failure. That’s life.
Adapt as Life Changes
When my kids were tiny, balance meant being home for bedtime every night. Now they’re older and bedtime is less of a thing. So that’s not the boundary anymore. My boundaries have evolved and that’s okay.
The same goes for work. When I was building my business, I worked evenings and weekends constantly. I was excited about it. I wanted to. Now, I’ve got systems in place and a team. So I don’t need to do that anymore. My relationship with work has changed.
Give yourself permission for your version of balance to evolve. You’re not locked into one way of doing things forever.
Stop Comparing Yourself
The last thing I’ll say is this: stop comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.
That entrepreneur you follow on LinkedIn who seems to have it all figured out? They’re probably struggling with something you can’t see. Your colleague who never seems stressed? They might be barely holding it together at home.
Everyone is figuring this out as they go. There’s no perfect answer. There’s just what works for you, right now, in this season of your life.
Make Peace With Guilt
And if you’re feeling guilty? That’s probably a sign you’re a caring person who wants to do well in all areas of life. That’s not a character flaw. But it’s also not a helpful emotion if it’s constant. Use it as information, then let it go.
Real work-life balance isn’t about guilt. It’s about choice. It’s about knowing what matters to you and making deliberate decisions about your time.
Some of those decisions will be hard. Some will disappoint people. That’s okay. You’re doing your best, and your best is enough.
