You know that feeling in your stomach right before you do something big? That’s fear. And honestly, it sucks.
Most of us spend a ridiculous amount of energy trying to make fear go away. We wait for the “perfect moment” when we’ll feel brave. We tell ourselves we’ll take action once the nervousness subsides. But here’s what I’ve learned after years of starting businesses, having hard conversations, and doing things that terrified me: fear doesn’t go away. You just get better at using it.
Fear Is Information, Not a Stop Sign
The first shift in thinking is understanding what fear actually is. It’s not your enemy. It’s not even a warning to stop (most of the time). Fear is just your brain’s way of saying, “Hey, this matters to you.”
Think about it. You don’t feel afraid about things you don’t care about. Nobody gets nervous about taking out the trash or doing laundry. But asking someone out? Starting that side project? Having a tough conversation with your boss? Those things trigger fear because they’re connected to outcomes you actually want.
When you feel fear, your first response should be curiosity, not avoidance. Ask yourself: What am I actually afraid of here? Usually, it boils down to one of a few things: rejection, failure, looking stupid, or losing something you value. Once you name it, it loses some of its power.
The Energy Is Already There
Here’s something most people don’t realize. The physical sensation of fear and excitement are nearly identical. Racing heart, sweaty palms, heightened awareness. Your body is literally preparing you for action.
The difference is in how your mind interprets these signals. You can choose to label that surge of energy as “I’m terrified” or “I’m ready.” It sounds too simple to work, but try it next time. When you notice fear showing up, say out loud: “I’m excited about this.” Your brain starts to believe it.
I’m not suggesting toxic positivity or pretending fear doesn’t exist. I’m saying that the adrenaline, the heightened focus, the extra energy that fear brings can be redirected. Athletes do this all the time. They take pre-game jitters and channel them into performance.
Break the Pattern of Freezing
Fear makes us freeze. It’s a biological response that made sense when we were running from predators. But in modern life, freezing keeps us stuck in jobs we hate, relationships that don’t serve us, and dreams we never chase.
The antidote to freezing is tiny action. Not giant leaps. Not “feel the fear and do it anyway” in some massive, overwhelming way. Just the smallest possible step.
Scared to start your business? Open a Google Doc and write one sentence about your idea. Nervous about that difficult conversation? Send a text asking if they have time to talk. Terrified of going to the gym? Put on your workout clothes.
These micro-movements do something important. They prove to your brain that action is possible even when fear is present. And once you start moving, momentum builds. It’s way easier to keep going than it is to start.
Use Fear as a Compass
Some of my best decisions have come from doing the thing that scared me most. Not the dangerous stuff, but the vulnerable stuff. The opportunities that made me think, “Oh no, I’m not ready for this.”
When you’re deciding between two paths and one feels scarier, that’s usually the one with more growth attached to it. The comfortable choice keeps you where you are. The scary choice might actually take you somewhere new.
This doesn’t mean every fear should be followed. If something feels scary because it’s genuinely dangerous or goes against your values, that’s different. But if it’s scary because it’s new, challenging, or requires you to be brave? That’s your compass pointing toward expansion.
Reframe Failure as Feedback
A huge part of what makes fear so paralyzing is the fear of failure. We’re terrified of trying and falling flat on our faces. But failure is only devastating if you decide it means something about your worth as a person.
What if failure just meant you got data? You tried something, it didn’t work, and now you know more than you did before. Thomas Edison supposedly said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” That’s not just a cute quote. That’s a functional mindset.
Every successful person you admire has failed more times than you’ve tried. They just kept using fear as fuel to try again, adjust, and move forward.
Build a Fear Practice
Just like you can build muscle at the gym, you can build your capacity to act despite fear. Start small and build up.
Try this: Once a day, do something that makes you slightly uncomfortable. Send that email. Speak up in a meeting. Order something new at a restaurant. Make small talk with a stranger. These little acts of courage compound.
You’re not trying to eliminate fear. You’re training yourself to move forward while feeling it. And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Talk About It
One of fear’s favorite tricks is isolation. It wants you to think you’re the only one who feels this way. You’re not. Everyone is scared of something.
When you share what you’re afraid of with someone you trust, it loses power. You realize you’re not alone. You might even get advice or support you didn’t expect. And sometimes just saying it out loud makes you realize it’s not as big as it felt in your head.
The Truth About Bravery
Bravery isn’t the absence of fear. That’s just not being aware of risk. Real bravery is feeling the fear fully and choosing to move anyway.
Every time you do this, you’re not just accomplishing the task at hand. You’re proving to yourself that fear doesn’t have to be in charge. You’re building evidence that you can handle hard things.
Moving Forward
Fear will always be part of the equation when you’re growing, creating, or taking risks. The goal isn’t to get rid of it. The goal is to change your relationship with it.
Stop waiting to feel brave. Start using the energy fear gives you. Let it sharpen your focus. Let it show you what matters. Let it remind you that you’re alive and reaching for something meaningful.
That uncomfortable feeling in your stomach? It’s not a stop sign. It’s rocket fuel. You just have to decide to light the match.
