Most of us have been there.
You do great work, put in the hours, maybe even go above and beyond.
But when it comes to asking for more—more recognition, more pay, more opportunity—you hesitate.
This hesitation is often called the confidence gap. It’s that quiet voice telling you, “I’m not ready,” or “I don’t deserve it yet.”
The truth? You probably are ready. And you do deserve it.
So let’s dig into why we undervalue ourselves and how to start owning our worth.
What is the Confidence Gap?
The confidence gap is the space between your ability and your belief in that ability.
- It’s when you’re qualified but don’t feel qualified.
- When you’ve done the work but still downplay it.
- When opportunities come up, and you tell yourself, “Not me. Not yet.”
This gap doesn’t mean you’re not capable. It means you’re second-guessing yourself.
Why We Undervalue Our Work
There are a few reasons people—especially women and minorities—tend to undervalue their contributions.
1. Social Conditioning
From a young age, many of us are taught to be polite, humble, and not to “brag.” Over time, this becomes a habit. We downplay achievements instead of celebrating them.
2. Fear of Rejection
Asking for more means risking a “no.” And rejection stings. It can feel safer to stay quiet, even if it costs you.
3. Perfectionism
Ever held back because your work wasn’t perfect yet? Perfectionism convinces us that unless something is flawless, it’s not worth much. Spoiler: perfection doesn’t exist.
4. Imposter Syndrome
That nagging thought that you’re a fraud, and everyone will “find out.” It’s more common than you think—even high-level CEOs feel it.
The Real Cost of Undervaluing Yourself
Undervaluing your work isn’t just about missing a raise or promotion. The costs run deeper:
- Financial cost: Staying underpaid compounds over years, even decades.
- Career growth: If you don’t advocate for yourself, you risk being overlooked for big opportunities.
- Mental health: Constantly second-guessing yourself leads to stress and burnout.
- Reputation: Ironically, being too humble can make others underestimate your value too.
Think about it this way: if you don’t set your value, someone else will—and it might be far less than you deserve.
Signs You Might Be Undervaluing Yourself
Sometimes undervaluing yourself sneaks in quietly. Here are some red flags:
- You say “yes” to extra work without asking for credit or compensation.
- You soften your achievements with words like “just,” “only,” or “kind of.”
- You avoid applying for jobs unless you meet 100% of the listed requirements.
- You let others take the spotlight, even when you’ve done most of the work.
- You’re uncomfortable talking about money, raises, or negotiations.
If a few of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. Awareness is the first step.
How to Own Your Value
The good news? Confidence is like a muscle. The more you practice using it, the stronger it gets. Here are some actionable steps:
1. Keep a “Brag Book”
Write down your wins—big or small. Finished a tough project early? Helped a coworker solve a problem? Got great feedback? Record it.
This builds evidence you can lean on when doubt creeps in.
2. Reframe How You Talk About Yourself
Catch yourself when you minimize your work. Instead of saying, “I just did the report,” try, “I delivered a detailed analysis that helped the team make decisions.”
3. Learn to Negotiate
Negotiation isn’t about being pushy. It’s about having a fair conversation.
Start with market research: know what others in your field are paid. Then practice your pitch out loud so you feel prepared.
4. Ask for Feedback (and Use It)
Constructive feedback helps you see your blind spots—and your strengths. Often, others see more in us than we see in ourselves.
5. Say “Yes” Before You Feel Ready
Growth often comes from stretching yourself. If you wait until you feel 100% ready, you’ll be waiting forever. Take the leap. You’ll figure things out along the way.
Confidence vs. Arrogance
Many people hold back because they don’t want to come across as arrogant. Here’s the key difference:
- Arrogance is overstating your abilities.
- Confidence is owning your real skills without shrinking them.
You can be humble and confident. You can acknowledge others and stand firm in your own worth.
A Real-Life Example
Let’s take two employees: Alex and Taylor.
- Alex works hard, never complains, but never speaks up about accomplishments. Over time, leadership sees Alex as “steady but replaceable.”
- Taylor, on the other hand, keeps a record of achievements, shares progress in meetings, and negotiates raises when milestones are met. Taylor gets promoted faster and earns more over time.
Both do great work. The difference is visibility and confidence.
Quick Confidence Boosters
On days when self-doubt hits hard, try these quick tactics:
- Power pose for 2 minutes before a big meeting. It reduces stress and boosts confidence.
- Affirmations: Say something simple like, “I’ve earned my place at the table.”
- Small wins first: Knock out an easy task to build momentum.
- Dress the part: Clothes don’t make you—but they do influence how you feel about yourself.
Building Long-Term Confidence
Confidence isn’t built overnight. Think of it like compound interest—it grows little by little:
- Practice self-advocacy regularly: Don’t save it just for yearly reviews.
- Surround yourself with supportive people: Friends, mentors, or peers who remind you of your worth.
- Invest in learning: Courses, books, or skills that make you feel more prepared.
- Celebrate milestones: Don’t rush past them. Recognize when you’ve grown.
Final Thoughts
The confidence gap is real, but it’s not permanent.
Most of the time, your skills are not the problem—your self-belief is.
By tracking your wins, speaking up, and taking opportunities before you feel ready, you slowly close the gap.
Remember: you don’t have to be perfect to own your value. You just have to be willing to stop shrinking and start standing tall.
Because the world needs what you bring to the table. And it’s about time you gave yourself the credit you’ve earned.
